tHis moment

For a while now (bit of an understatement), I have been begging God for an answer to a very specific prayer, a prayer for relief, for restoration, for redemption of loss and pain, for victory over the enemy.  Today, I woke myself crying over this ongoing plea.  Before the sun was fully up, on a Saturday, I went outside and I’ll be honest—forced myself to pray in spite of the liar hissing in my head: “This has not and will not change.”   I fumbled for words which would not come.  I just sat before God (as we are, always before God) and kept silent.  He heard my heart even though I had no words.  He knew the hurt, the fear, the desire for healing.  So I just sat there with my Father and cried.

At some point, the Spirit began reminding me that even this, God controls.  God rules this moment—His moment. Because He wrote tHis moment in His book before any of my moments existed, then I will praise Him and rest in Him in tHis moment.  Because He loves me and He is the source of my comfort and joy, I will be comforted by Him alone and take whatever tHis moment brings with joy in my heart.

The sadness—and, yes, anger–in my heart shouted back, “How?!  How can I find joy while in the middle of this?”

And then an answer echoed in my heart, “I will sing of your love forever.”  So, I literally, right in that moment said, “Echo, play praise and worship music.”

The music swelled and the very first words sang, “How great is our God.  Sing with me.  How great is our God.”

So I did and joy joined me.